The escalation cycle is a tool that can help us understand how our emotions work during times of big upsets. As caregivers, it can help us think about different strategies that are best to use during these different phases of an escalation. The image below shows the Escalation Cycle with examples of behavioral “warning signs” for each phase of the cycle, as well as reactions that are most helpful during each phase.
Key Takeaways:
When we are very upset, our brains are not thinking clearly and are not able to problem-solve effectively. Trying to “talk it out” or reason with a child (or anyone!) who is at the peak of an escalation is typically counter productive and only adding fuel to the fire.
Think about where your child (and yourself!) is at on the escalation cycle during an emotional escalation. Choose your reaction to their behavior carefully based on what phase of the cycle they are in. For example, if I notice my child is starting to show some small signs of frustration/escalation, I might intervene by taking a few deep breaths, offering two calming activity choices, or redirecting them to take a break and get some exercise outside.
Oftentimes the best and most efficient route to returning to the baseline phase is to simply take a break. Think about reducing the demands being placed on your child (stop asking questions, offering solutions, scolding, reduce noise/stimulation in the environment, etc.) so their nervous system can start winding down and they can access their rational thinking and problem-solving parts of their brain again. Wait to talk about what happened until you are sure they are back at baseline and in a calm and relaxed state - that will be the best time to debrief and brainstorm different choices we can try the next time the same trigger occurs.
Calming Activity Ideas
Here are a few ideas of calming activities and skills you can try with your child and see if they help support regulation. Every child and person is different, so something that’s calming to one child might not be to another. Remember, we want to teach these skills while your child is at baseline and their brains and bodies are available for learning (this is often what we are doing during OT at the clinic!).
Deep Breathing: Use bubbles, a pinwheel, a whistle, a harmonica, etc. to learn to take deep breaths during play. Remember to breathe in through your nose, and slowly out through your mouth.
Squeeze the Lemons: Tighten and relax your fists to squeeze the juice out of an imaginary lemon. Squeeze and count to 5, then slowly relax and shake the juice off your hands. Repeat several times.
Dots & Squeezes: Make a ‘dot’ in the left palm with the opposite thumb and massage. Next, firmly squeeze the left wrist with the right hand. Continue to move your hand up your arm doing a series of squeezes. Repeat on the other side.
Exercise!: Hop on a bike or scooter, run a lap around the yard, kick a ball, climb on a play structure, or do some “animal walks” (bear crawl, crab walk, frog jump, etc.). During winter months, try making an indoor obstacle course using couch cushions and pillows. For less energized exercise, try some simple stretching or a few yoga poses. Exercise is one of the greatest ways to regulate our bodies.
Music: Talk with your child about how music makes their body feel while listening together. Some music is very alerting and gives us energy, and other music can help us calm and unwind.
Sensory Tools: Using sensory based play activities and toys like play dough/putty, kinetic sand, a fidget popper, a visual oil drip/liquid motion timer, bouncing or rolling on a yoga ball, and swinging on a swing.
Author: Aly Bothman, MS, OTR/L